Trying to Re-Commit

This morning I weighed myself, 183.4 is what came up on the scale.  I guess that means I'm still down 10 pounds for 2012, but up 4 pounds from earlier this year, back when I was really working on losing weight. 

I would like to eventually get down to around 150, but at this point I'm going to really aim for 173, that will be a 20 pound weight loss for the year.  Then next year, I will work on the other 23 pounds.  Someone told me, or I read it somewhere, something like "It took longer than a few months to put on those extra pounds, so don't expect them to come off in just a few months".

I'm not excercising as much as I should be, but when I do get a workout in, I really do enjoy it. It makes me feel good, energized and fit, and good about myself.  Last night I realized that I didn't have any of the kids I babysit coming until around 10:30am, so I told my husband that I was going to ride bikes with our kids to school, then go over to the track and get a run in.  This morning I woke up and I really thought about staying home and enjoying a few hours to myself, but then I figured, all I would do probably was sit and watch TV, so I convinced myself to stick to my plan. 

I rode with Graham to school, then rode over to the track, I ran 2.08 miles in 26:20, a little less than a 13 mile/minute pace.  Not bad.  I also probably rode my bike around 1.5 miles.  I'm going to really try to go to Zumba tonight too.  I take my oldest daughter to Zumba with me, she really enjoys it, and she's fun to watch.  She gives me the motivation to keep going to class.

Last night I was standing at the counter in my bathroom, wrapped in a towel and brushing my teeth.  Brian was in there too, I felt his hand kind of go down the side of my body, I thought he was maybe feeling the towel because it looked soft?  So I asked him, "is it soft?"  He told me, "I like that curve, it looks nice."  It made me feel good about myself.  I was not a skinny girl when he met me, but I was closer to that 150 pound mark, I am sure he knows that I'll never be a skinny girl, I don't really think he's want that anyways, I've got curves and I think he likes them.  It was nice to be reminded of that last night, and it's nice to actually see some of my curves coming back instead of me just being a big blob.  Let's face it, there is a difference in being curvy and being a fat blob, right.  I had 3 pregnancies, I gained weight, I tried to get back to myself, everytime I started getting myself back into a routine I would get pregnant again and finally I gave up.  My youngest is 5 now, I really don't think anymore pregnancies are in my future.  No excuses now, I want to get back to where I should be.  I need to just keep reminding myself of that. 

Overall, so far this year, I do feel healthier, I've lost a few pounds, I'm happy about that.  What I'm most happy about though is that I've gained stamina, I've realized that I enjoy excercising, I have more energy, I'm getting a few curves back.  I still love food, I always will, I need to work on portion control and keeping up with the excercise and someday I'll get to where I want to be.